Pirbright, Slurry - (Reterus & Ass Mess): Workers at the government's Pirbright animal rights research center have tested positive for mad cow disease.
Scientists at the biolab have blamed "having to stare at Annigoni's official portrait of Old Fatty Mountbatten" every time they enter the facility, where it hangs in the reception hall.
The research center is being investigated for causing the foot and mouth disease outbreak which July's floodwaters spread all over the Surrey countryside.
Local residents are also facing compulsory tests for a range of pestilence-induced symptoms following the latest findings at Pirbright, which some insist was caused by the bioengineering laboratories next door, owned by the Meriel Bioscams Corporation.
This week's findings at the Surrey site are now being treated as possible sabotage by macrobiotic vegan nutters like Heather Mills who has just moved in to the neighborhood following her divorce from Paul McCartney.
"She's one of the country's top mad cows, so it kind fits in. Dunnit?" a local farmer said today.