London - (Ass Mess): It's an old, old story typical of the times: a love affair between a Puppet Monarchy prince and a desperately wannabe somebody commoner addicted to self-publicity, free dosh and heroin.
And as attention-hungry Kate Middleton basks in the renewed interest of the UK paparazzi just one question remains in Buckingham Palace aides' minds: is she a heroin addict like Diana before her?
At Balmnoral Castle Old Fatty Mountbatten is said to be
exasperated as difficulties begin to pile up once again like a twenty car smash-up on the M25.
Secret reports from MI5 sources have indicated that Kate Middleton has a daily habit on a par with Diana's during the heady early days of her ensnaring of Pretender to the Throne, Charles.
Middleton is said to be unaware that her carefully choreographed public image has been cracked by cops and spooks.
This week she pulled out of a foolish stunt to row across the Channel wearing just a Prince of Wales Feathers thongs, lips-gloss and a bright smile.
Officially billed as 'a major security issue' the reason behind her being dumped has now become clear as sponsors of the Dragon Boat event consulted lawyers over the worst-case scenario of Middleton collapsing and going cold-turkey while rowing in the middle of the world's busiest shipping lanes.
"When Diana suffered withdrawal symptoms Buckingham Palace always called it something like 'morning sickness' or 'bulimic attacks'," police sources said today.
"That's a luxury that Middleton lacks at the moment."