Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Kate Middleton

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

image for Kate Middleton's boating fantasy sinks
Going down the pan: Middleton

English Channel - (Ass Mess): Over-confident self-publicist Kate Middleton has been warned off trying on yet another attention-seeking stunt in the shape of a boat race across the Channel after her lawyers told her she'd been rumbled by the Fraud Squad.

Middleton has failed to make any attempts to show how she supports her extravagant lifestyle after been booted out by near-bankrupt rag trade peddlers Jigsaw earlier this year.

A series of carefully choreographed public appearances have tried to give the impression she has private means to fund her fantasy lifestyle.

But last week a police sting operation found she had helped herself to a third party's generosity without the usual formalities such as permission.

"Kate's sunk," legal sources confirmed today.

"There's nothing more to say about it except that she would be jeopardising the entire cross-Channel boat race on 25th August if she remains in the team.

"Police have kept an ultra-low profile for months on this one but will now pull the plug on any further daftasss madcap attention schemes."

Chelsy Davy is a moron.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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