Taciturn Labour Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown has denied recent rumours that he has been approached by James Cameron to play the part of never-popular cultural icon Flash Gordon.
A Spokesman for the Politician said: "This story is all poppycock. The last thing you would refer to Mr Brown as is Flash"
In other unrelated news, Lawrence Smith, an upstanding Bin man for the past 60 years has been bought a Knighthood by ex Prime Minister, Tony Blair.
Hoping to claim back some Brownie Points for his legacy, Mr Blair said: "I felt that it was time that a Knighthood went to someone deserving. Mr Jones here has worked tirelessly for 40 forty years driving an ambulance. He should be rewarded for his work."
When the mistakes in his statement were pointed out to him, Mr Blair responded by firing his researcher.