LONDON (Defecated News) - In what can only be seen as part of his mission, Al Gore announced yesterday that he was to cure UK animals of Foot and Mouth disease.
Only six months after saving the world from global cooling, and several weeks after scooping away all the flood water with his bare hands, Mr. Gore, inventor of 'Gore-Tex' told us,
"We have a social responsibility to our kids and their kids; to ensure that the world does not all die of this disease. I plan on using Ayurvedic oil massage, hypnosis and colonic irrigation to heal these beasts."
A spokesman for the Crook Cow Confederation responded, Mabel the Mad Cow told us: "You're all just a bunch of evil bastards, the lot of you. Sitting their in your smug offices, with your smug twat faces. Fuck off the lot of you, bastards. Evil bastards. Al Gore can eat my flange."
Foot and Mouth disease has seen its third epidemic in 40 years in the UK. Symptoms include a painful foot and a moist mouth. Anyone with these symptoms or similar or totally different are urged to contact their local vetinarinologisticaloidal specialist to be put down.
Gloria Hunniford refused to comment.