Drowning Street, London SW1 - (Ass Mess): Whitehall sources confirmed today that Lord Levy has been replaced by Sooty as Middle East envoy by Prime Monster Gorgon Brown.
The news follows intense negotiations at Camp Bavid last week when Brown promised George Bush that he would guarantee the UK Puppet Monarchy would be properly represented in any discussions in the troubled Middle East region following Prince Charles's demands to be allowed to take over from Lord Cashpoint.
"It was either Charles or a more malleable puppet," Downing Street aides said today.
"So we chose Sooty because quite frankly he has a much better public profile and is at least honest about having somebody's hand up his backside all the time.
"This, too, was the trouble with Lord Levy. Never could admit who was delving deeply into his privates."
Sooty takes over from Monday and his first assignment will be to bring peace and harmony to Iran where President Ahmadinnerjacket has threatened to ban him ahead of his proposed Global Piss Process goodwill tour.
Sooty's Diplomatic Protection Squad minder has not d=been named for security reasons. And neither has his Foreign Office 'official translator' who must accompany sooty at all times because as everybody knows Sooty the Bear is an orange, children's puppet.
Rumors that Lord Levy has recently accepted a FO tranlator's post following his official departure as Middle East envoy have yet to be confirmed.