Reutorooter Press - Several cows in a Sussex farm pasture next to Heather Mill's new estate have begun an around the clock protest of Heather Mills McCartney. The bovines are apparently upset at the vegetarian's attempts to buy their pasture from farmer Brown, who owns them.
"Several of these cows have prosthetic legs, ironic ain't it?" asked farmer James Brown, "We had a lorry have an accident when we was gettin' the new lasses in. The vet recommended they try prosthetic legs instead of putting them down. Best thing we've ever done, they give great milk too."
Mills was apparently under the impression the cows were destined for slaughter and claimed to be distressed by watching them everyday. "Bugger," said Brown, "She knows naught about dairy animals, they won't go t' slaughter unless they get some kind of disease. I told them what Mills representatives said to us and they've been up in the corner of the pasture closest too her house mooin' all day today. They're very intelligent, they've had their feelins' hurt."
Brown has turned down all offers and has told the representatives of Heather Mills McCartney not to bother them anymore, if she doesn't like the country then she shouldn't live there. "Even if I had beef cattle, I wouldn't budge. To hell with these veggie city folks, I kin not get their ideas."