Written by ranger121
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Thursday, 2 August 2007

image for Wax figures stolen, police "clueless"

Dozens of figures from the Irish Republic's National Wax Museum have been damaged or stolen after a "rave" party at a warehouse, officials say.

Models of famous children's characters, including Teletubbies and Bob the Builder, were among those taken from the museum's collection in Dublin.

Police were "at a loss" as to why the figures and their clothes were stolen, and the thieves left no clues.

Local sex shop owner Jack "Buzzing" D'Ildo, told us, "Well, the police don't have any idea at all. Why they didn't ask me I don't know. I've had loads of people in here with the things trying to flog 'em. All they do is drill a couple or three holes, and there you are. Saves all that blowing, see. Obvious, really, when you think about it. Most of the girls round here have faces like bags of spanners, so a little entertainment with a wax Britney is better than nothing, you know. But the Teletubbies are a bit of a speciality market, really."

Also stolen from the museum were several lots of clothes and uniforms. Jack had his ideas about them, too.

"There's been a sudden interest in fancy dress parties, so I guess that's what they're for. There again, some of the guys round here are a bit weird. A wax Britney in a Nazi Uniform might well be a turn-on for some, but I'm not too sure about Bob the Builder, though."

The police investigation is continuing, and undercover officers have been spotted trying high heels on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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