Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Flooding, tesco, BBQ

Sunday, 29 July 2007

image for Tesco offer free Barbecues to flood victims
Every little helps? Well, all except that last 20mm of rainfall

What would we do without Tesco?

Once again the supermarket giant has come to the aid of flood victims. The compassionate retailers are giving away - yes, giving away - free barbecues with integrated grills.

A spokeswoman for the company, Tilly Ringer, said: "Because the weather for the barbecue season has been very inclement, we were taken completely by surprise and now have a surplus of charcoal briquettes, lighting fluid and stainless steel toasting forks and so in order to get rid of the stock quickly, we have decided to throw in a free barbecue for those who buy them (subject to conditions)!"

Tilly went on to say: "The barbecue is completely mobile (although sometimes difficult to steer even on smooth terrain like patios) but because of its chrome plated chassis, it should remain useful for years to come."

The offer is only available to those who are in receipt of Income Support (IS) or Job-Seekers Allowance (JSA) or Polish Immigrants and is only available if a valid Passport, or proof of IS/JSA letter and a utilities bill is presented. Stock will be limited as we need to replace our present rolling stock before the end of the year, she added.

Miss Vicki Pollard who was one of the first to acquire the free barbecue + grill is quoted as saying: "Yeah, but no, but yeah it's a great bit of kit and I especially like the higher rack -which can be used for keeping things warm or even drying out my knickers if I drink too many Bacardi Breezers!"

Chief Advertising Executive for Tesco, Ronnie Corbett, said:

"EVERY LITTLE HELPS"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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