Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 28 July 2007

image for Water Bills To Rise - "Rain Was The Wrong Kind" Says Expert
It was the wrong type of rain that fell

The head of the Environment Agency has said publicly that, contrary to popular belief, there is still a water shortage in Britain, even after the recent heavy rainfall and flooding.

Brainless Young told the BBC that, although there had been, in some cases, 500 times the annual rainfall of an area in just one week, it was the 'wrong type of rain' that had fallen.

"It was just too wet", she said.

Environmental experts have said that reservoirs that normally hold such large quantities of water, had been contaminated by the 'superwet' rain, and that the water now held in them was unfit for human use, although it would be perfectly fine to clean the car, or water the lawn with.

Bills would have to rise, they said, if customers wanted 'improved services'.

Consumers are not happy. In Tewkesbury, which has declared indepedence from Britain as a result of being marooned, customers were horrified at the prospect of having to pay higher bills as a result of the water companies' ineptitude at protecting supplies from becoming too wet.

Betty Yokel, 96, said:

"It's ridiculous! My husband fought for this country in two World Wars and laid his life on the line so that we could have luxuries such as good, clean water. Now this. Just wait until he finds out. He's just washing his bike."

Another lady, Ethel Bowser, 63, of Gloucester, said:

"It's criminal! Fancy letting the water get too wet! Criminals! Criminals!"

Chief constable of Gloucestershire Police, Tim Brain, said:

"If there's been anything criminal going on, I'll get to know about it, don't you worry", before settling down for a snooze.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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