Police in Gloucestershire have been hit with yet another major headache after a group of swimmers-by near Tewkesbury spotted a hammerhead shark which local authorities believe to be gay.
The Hammerhead, normally found in more tropical waters off the coast of Aberdeen has been christened Crispin by local shark fishermen after the predator was seen mincing up Tewkesbury High Street by the swimmers.
Pub Landlord Ron Lampshade, who had his leg severed by the hungry hammerhead admitted "It'll be good for business having Crispin around. After the floods business has trickled to a full stop. It's almost as if someone's turned a tap off!"
One of Ron's regulars Tim Sewage, who lost his wife and kids after Crispin attacked them added "Oo-arr - Oi don't know what's baht appen after yonder floods 'ave receded! Crispin'll have to be kept in a bath or summink!"
Gloucesterhire Council have set up an emergency committee to monitor the shark situation.