In a radical move, London Underground have announced they will ban chubby commuters from boarding their trains.
After months of detailed research into tube overcrowding, it was concluded that trains are full not because of poor service or unreliable rolling stock but because the majority of the passengers are 'tubby wasters who should be walking instead'.
Highlighting links between the rise in national obesity and overcrowding on public transport, a representative from management consultants DeLoight, said that their months of investigation clearly revealed that fat travellers are 'like large dollops of cholesterol clogging up London's transport artery'. He continued, 'rather than invest more money into extra carriages, we have advised London Underground to fit their station entrances with new turnstiles to weed out anyone over 10 stone'.
John Prescott refused to comment.