The whole of Britain woke up today in shock as the news that 90 year old hag, Mrs Mavis Crapfield, opened a tin of condensed cream of mushroom soup to find what was later discovered as Marlon Brando's hip bone.
ASDA in Skegness disagree, and say that it looks more like Jeanette Cranky's arse, but because unfortunately the Crankys are still alive, this cant be.
Its not just in this town that this alarming news comes from. We found out that in a shithole in Swansea there were tins of Minestrone containing Les Dawson's severed bum crack.
Experts are insisting there is no need to be alarmed, and advise anyone who finds something weird, they should send it back straight away because if eaten, there is a slight possibility of becoming the dead celeb.
Just last week in Swindon-upon-a-lake, a man had eaten some happy shopper scotch broth containing Rod Hull's nipple, when he suddenly ran round his house with his hand up his dead
parrot's arse, attacking members of his own family. He eventually fell to his death off a roof whilst trying to fix an aerial for the the bingo live final on sky sports hosted by Jimmy Tarbuck.
We will bring you more news on this awful tragedy when we can be arsed.