Written by bunny
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Topics: Labour, Report

Tuesday, 24 February 2004

image for Labour considers Abolishing BBC
soon to be RIP

A labour Press Release today confirmed that a recent report commissioned by the Cabinet office has recommended the abolition of the BBC.

The report was originally suppressed because at the time of its publication the cabinet office were busy writing Lord Hutton's report for him.

However in the light of a report commissioned by the Conservative party, recommending the abolition of the licence fee, the spokesman told us "Now that we have moved on from the issue of WMD. It seemed appropriate to put the report into the public domain, after all the BBC is the public's broadcasting corporation and it isn't for us to control what it says or does that should be solely the public's decision."

The report recommends that the BBC be "broken up and sold off like the rusting hull of a ship, as Public Service Broadcasting is no-longer relevant in the modern age." Concerns that this work would be taken overseas have been strenuously denied by all parties.

The Sun newspaper run a story backing its owner Rupert Murdoch as a perfect candidate for the break-up, highlighting that he had vast experience in dumbing down broadcasting standards and a proven track record of delivering the results that government demanded right here in Britain, before pointing out that it would be a disgrace if the work went overseas.

A labour Spokesman acknowledged that Mr Murdoch's work had been invaluable "He would certainly be a candidate for the job, having won us two general elections, and already being in the broadcasting business, but obviously we haven't as yet made a decision concerning when the BBC will be broken up, or who News Corp. will employee to break it up."

BBC governors are said to be deeply concerned about this new development, our sources told us "They [the governors] are very worried, with our Charter due for renewal in 2006 it would hardly be a surprise if the BBC was sold off to Murdoch and he was allowed to break it up. He's been trying to take our place ever since he set BskyB up. Now his mates are in government its not really that much of a shock. I guess we'll just have to watch this space, but there's no effing way I working for News Corp. I'd rather poke my own eyes out with red hot needles."

The Prime Minister has reportedly told the cabinet that the BBC's break up is a matter of necessity given its unwillingness to act as the propaganda tool for New Labour. One Cabinet minister told thespoof.com, "TB's adamant it has to go, after all when he arranged Dyke's appointment he really thought he had the BBC sussed, that it would sit quietly and do as it was told. Obviously the whole WMD affair blew that idea right out of the water, so now he's convinced its got to go. Privately I think he'll give Rupert the job, he's convinced it's a good idea to let him have free reign over terrestrial TV."

Whilst the BBC remains safe for the next two years, it is deeply concerning to learn that an institution of our nation could be broken up to serve the socio-pathic ego of the Government. Hopefully time will prove to be a good healer, or a more compliant puppet can be found to fill the role of Director General.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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