Written by Dick Kense

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Topics: Flooding

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

image for Floods To Be Abolished Says Government
Flood no more

The government today announced that from 2008 floods will cease to be a threat to the British mainland.

An audacious scheme funded by the national lottery and designed by will see a gigantic pump installed just outside Southampton. The pump will be employed at the first alert from the Met Office and any floodwater will be pumped straight into France.

A spokesman for the middle England symposium, Major Terence Willoughby Bagpuss-Frisbee said, "I think it's bloody brilliant news. France is a much bigger country than the UK and I'm sure they can afford the space, besides if it's a toss up between then Loire Valley and Tewkesbury I know who should be first to get the old galoshes out. If it's a really wet summer we might me able to dampen a little bit of Catalonia too."

A government source was unavailable for comment due to unusually high tides.

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