The government today announced that from 2008 floods will cease to be a threat to the British mainland.
An audacious scheme funded by the national lottery and designed by will see a gigantic pump installed just outside Southampton. The pump will be employed at the first alert from the Met Office and any floodwater will be pumped straight into France.
A spokesman for the middle England symposium, Major Terence Willoughby Bagpuss-Frisbee said, "I think it's bloody brilliant news. France is a much bigger country than the UK and I'm sure they can afford the space, besides if it's a toss up between then Loire Valley and Tewkesbury I know who should be first to get the old galoshes out. If it's a really wet summer we might me able to dampen a little bit of Catalonia too."
A government source was unavailable for comment due to unusually high tides.