Written by Molly McQueen
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Saturday, 21 July 2007

image for Dave says flooding 'Act of God.'
Not in talks with David Cameron

Leader of the opposition Conservative party, David Cameron, announced today that the recent spate of torrential rainfall afflicting southern England is the work of God.

Without going into further details, he accused the Government of not doing enough to reverse the damage caused by God's ineffable handiwork. "I was in Lincoln yesterday," he said, "where God has flooded 50 homes - but this isn't enough for our Labour government who are refusing to compensate these poor unfortunate victims of His wrath."

At a consequent television interview, Prime Minister Gordon Brown was quick to pour scorn on Cameron's announcement.

"Since when has the leader of the opposition party ever been in communication with God?" he said. "Everyone knows that only the Prime Minister has Divine access, and for David Cameron to claim otherwise is simply empty posturing." He went on to explain that meetings between the PM and God were restricted to times of international emergency only and were certainly not as frequent as many people supposed.

"I can confirm that the last time God had any dealings with the British Government was when He told Tony to go bomb the Iraqis off the face of the earth."

He refused to be drawn into speculation that God may now be responding to the UK's slow rate of progress in completing His orders with regard to Iraq by inundating the country in floodwater, citing His tendency to move in mysterious ways. "It doesn't do to second guess God," he continued, "but I'd second guess David Cameron - he's simply quoting God in this spurious fashion to score political points."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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