Written by Quentin Dynamite
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Saturday, 21 July 2007

image for Big Brother Housemates Reject Neo-Platonism
Mothley - Ontological Discourse

The Big Brother housemates had a lie-in yesterday, following Friday's heated discussion about the existence of God and the fundamentals of humanistic morality.

There were no early risings for the contemplative housemates, who suspect the Large Fraternal One of duplicitous and underhand scheming.

"Did you dream much last night, or could it have been an alternate and parallel existence, untestable by empirical methodology?", asked a yawning Carole of Tracey, lighting her fag and pouring over a copy of 'Marxism Today'.

"I don't really know what's going on", a weary Bosley told Mikardo, referring to the sardine ice-cream in the refrigerator. There had been no wake-up calls from Big Brother, which allowed several of the housemates to discuss Nietzsche while munching on their 'Zookie Pops'. Fatley in particular was concerned: "My underpants are reminiscent of a post-modernist - yet logical positivist - representation of existence, taken as an abstract whole", a bleary-eyed Whipley told Hottentot. "And this tea tastes like piss".

"When you present Chazley with a perfectly reasonable and cogent syllogism, he always treats you like you've just farted in his hat", said a contemplative Jottley. "I know!!!", screamed a hysterical Tootley, daubing broad avenues of primary colours onto a huge canvas: "It's the same with Bootley and Feetch - they regard a thoroughly sound aphorism as a thing to be avoided at all costs, even if it's internally consistent" (Tootley, of course, is the author of 'Parameters Of Quantum Gravitational Theory For Idiots').

"Why do hamsters run around in those wheel things?", asked Muttley. Biffley let out a loud, roaring peal of laughter, and, drying his eyes on a tea towel, said, "Dunno".

Machiavelli was the last housemate to rise, and hid behind the curtains until it was time for 'Postman Pat'. Things are never dull in the Big Brother household!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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