London - (Ass Mess): Not to be outdone by the Meteorological Office's grim predictions that Friday 20 July "will be the wettest and worst Summer's day since records began" the World Wiccan Council astrology division has issued its own dire warning that the following day, Saturday 21 July "will be the cataclysmic Day of Judgement" that all peddlers of superstitious drivel have predicted since the dawn of time.
UK weather forecasters have been piling on the misery telling weary Brits to brace themselves for two months'
rainfall in a single day with unprecedented misery reminiscent of the monsoon season in far flung foreign parts.
"Thunderstorms and torrential rain are set to sweep across most of the country tomorrow and you ain't seen nothing like it since records began," was the offical bulletin today.
"Hah!" replied the astrology branch of the World Wiccan Council.
"That's nothing compared to what we predict for you lousy Nazi-sucking, George Bush worshiping, yellow-livered British fools on the day that thieving fraudster JK Rowling publishes the seventh book she stole from its rightful author and passed off as her own!
"If you think that 20 July will be the shittiest day of the year because of the storms you are deluding yourselves at the abject misery that 21 July wil bring as Camilla's 60th birthday party at Highgrove House is wrecked by the anti-terror cops who bust her, Pretender to the Throne Charles, the gargoyle 'sons' Wills and Harry, daftass Kate Middleton and all the Puppet Monarchy hangers-on like Lily Safra, Elton John, Lord Levy, the American Ambasador Robert 'Katie' Holmes Tuttle and the 100 invited guests on Camilla's party list!
"We've laid even money on getting that result on Saturday and look forward to fleecing the London Met Office by winning our bet outright over their hoary predictions!
"So yar boo sucks!"