London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Duchess of Cornwall has received a much-predicted 60th birthday present from the country today with over 95% of people in favour of her being forcibly re-patriated to Vladivostok, the Russian home-town that spawned her in a post-World War II ploy to take over the British monarchy.
A Daily Telegraph/YouMoron poll of 8170 people, commissioned to mark her official 60th birthday today, showed that virtually all respondents thought she looked like a botoxed peroxide horse that had forgotten to take its autism medication.
Today's figures will give cause for utter dementia at the UK's Hellfire Club which has long used Camilla as its banker bet to take over the Crown Jewels, the Royal Estates and the kudos of appointing daftass grocers to "By Royal Appointment" franchises in order to make a few extra quid on the side.
However, Clarence House still believes the Duchess is slowly becoming more popular than the alternative of a "dead porpoise floating belly-up in the lower reaches of the River Thames", to quote one impeccable source.
"Why doesn't she just come out and admit she's a Russian trans-sexual hired by the Bush Family Evil Empire, and have done with it?"