A survey conducted recently revealed that people who have arses for faces are "up to twice as likely to be called 'Bum-face' than other people"
"This is both a scandal and an outrage" Charles "Cheeky" Charlie, spokesman for the Great British Society for Arse-Faced Folk told us.
"People with bottoms for faces have feelings too! Being called names like 'Bum-face', 'Arsey-head' and 'Sphincter Bill' are just some of the everyday hurdles we have to overcome"
"I understand people can be prejudiced - I'm not too keen on foreigners myself - but surely humanity can come together and embrace people whose heads resemble nothing more than an enormous pair of bum-cheeks"
The survey, conducted by the London Symphony Orchestra, paints quite a bleak picture for Britains already beleaguered eccentric minorities.
"We get all kinds of stick" Mr Grorilla and Mr Gribbon from the "Society for putting a superfluous 'R' in the name of a monkey" told us. "People think we're lunatics, but we're not hurting anyone - although we do go round setting peoples houses on fire sometimes"
A spokesman for the Royal Institute for commenting on frivolous surveys was last night unavailable for comment.