Manchester, wounded by Gordon Brown's decision to disembowel the plans for a super casino, is fighting back with revised plans for a Colosseum for gladiatorial battles between lower middle class people from around the country.
The Colosseum or Coliseum, originally known as the Flavian Amphitheatre (lat. Amphitheatrum Flavium), is an amphitheatre in Rome, capable of seating 50,000 spectators, which was once used for gladiatorial combat in the Roman Empire.
Manchester now hopes to faithfully recreate the Roman eyesore alongside the spiky sculpture instead of a super casino. Manchester MP Graham Stringer said it is a "weak and bad decision" that the city's successful bid to build the first super-casino is overturned. "But instead of ruining aspirational gamblers lives, we'll just set them against each other in bloody fights to the death."
In a rare moment of enlightenment Prime Minister Brown threw his gauntlet down in front of his long term enemies Tony and Cherie Blair.
"I will vanquish them forever in this new non political arena."
When questioned about this challenge Blair seemed confident. "It doesn't take much to stop that one eyed bastard. A well placed finger should do the trick."
Cherie Chipped in "Yeah, then I'll cut his F@@@@**G head off and hold it up to the cheering crowds, the c**t."
The Blairs denied that unnecessary violence was a solution to the world's problems, "but Brown deserves it" Cherie spat with a scornful hiss.
Manchester MP Graham Stringer said the new Super Colosseum should be ready by the time Omar Bin Ladin, the Saudi gigolo, gets his papers to live in the UK and put to death in the Manchester Super Colosseum. "We'll ruin lives somehow, trust me, we'll string them up to rot. I have a list." Stringer wriggled in his straight jacket and spoke through his Hannibal styled muzzle.
Objectors to the original Super Casino are frightened that they will be herded into cages and trained up to kill each other. "My mum will be horrified." One local complained.