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Topics: Alcohol, Pubs, drinking

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

image for Government set to ban drinking in pubs
Arthur Cock recovers after the fish pond incident

The government is widely expected to call time on what it calls "the outdated and unhealthy practice of selling alcohol in pubs".

New legislation introduced today will, if it is passed, call last orders on boozers selling beer, wine and spirits. And quite possibly peanuts too.

Health Minister Derek Turd said, "we have known about the detrimental effects of passive drinking for some time and this seemed the most logical way to reduce the number of cases admitted to hospital which alone cost the NHS £5000bn a year."

One victim of passive drinking, Arthur Cock welcomed the proposed new legislation, saying "passive drinking has certainly had a negative effect on my life. I've stood in close proximity to drinkers in pubs during a conversation and after each occasion I've found myself slurring my words and having difficulty walking."

"After one particularly lengthy exposure I was discovered in the garden of a neighbour's house urinating in their fish pond. It shouldn't be allowed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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