Written by Cal Jennings
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Wednesday, 11 July 2007

image for Corrupt Bastards Force Feed Cows Garlic
Cow tagged for excess gas production.

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - UK - When the Corrupt Bastards Club found out about cows producing enough methane to create 3% of Britain's greenhouse gases, VECO called in Lord Browne to investigate. Fearing that they might lose a percentage of the market to cows, they had their mad scientists search a way to reduce the amount of gas that cows can produce.

While the scientists worked on the problem, Lord Browne paid some cohorts to introduce a bill limiting the amount of gas that cattle can produce. This proving ineffective in reducing the cows' production, a new method created by one of the scientists was field tested.

In the field test, the cattle were force-fed cloves of garlic. It is thought that the garlic reduces the amount of gas produced by 50%.

"Those cows thought they were going to muscle in on us for a piece of the pie," said Lord Browne. "Well, we showed them, didn't we?"

When asked if this would cause a problem with the flavor of the meat or milk, Lord Browne announced, "We shall buy the cattle and sell their meat for twice the price. They don't need to be seasoned with garlic, now, do they? This will add to our profits and let us keep a close eye on those sneaky cattle at the same time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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