Written by Double Diamond
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Topics: France, England, wine

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

image for "English" wine to be produced in France

After a disastrous growing season, the English wine industry has taken the decision to re-locate to Southern France, in a bid to ensure decent crops for the future.

The recent catastrophic weather has rendered this years produce virtually undrinkable. "Tastes like gnat's piss" quoted one leading wine critic.

Plans are to excavate thousands of tonnes of English vineyard top-soil and dump it over in France.

An irate spokesman for the UK Vineyards association quoted: "Basically, we have tried our level best to get decent grapes to grow over here and the results have been piss poor.

"Let's face it, the French have been making wine for ages and they get all the nice weather, so we thought, let's pack up and ship over there."

The winemakers are insistent that the wine will still be English wine, produced in England. The only difference is, it's being made in France. "We're taking a few handfuls of English soil with us, so that makes it all right. Anyone who wants to complain can fuck off!" declared the spokesman.

We await developments

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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