Written by carina-eta
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Monday, 9 July 2007

image for Prince William Will Elevate Kate to "Mistress" Level
Kate Middleton- Everything but the crown.

Buckingham Palace today announced firmly that Prince William will not be marrying Kate Middleton following speculation that the couple are back together.

In a statement to the press read out today at 9am, the Prince stated "categorically" that he will not be marrying Kate, however he also confirmed that they had resumed their relationship.

William commented that,"It would be unfair of me to expect Kate to hang around while I get on with the business of producing heirs by the "right type of girl." I therefore intend to marry some hapless virgin and begat a couple of sons,leaving Kate free to resume her party lifestyle and keep her figure. In the meantime, if she gets married herself, I don't see that as a problem."

William has also revealed plans to keep a room at the palace for Kates permanent use as the "official mistress to the King" carrying on a family tradition.

Prince Harry today voiced his support for his brothers decision saying, "Tradition is important. I'm happy that he's happy because the happier he is the less likely he is to bloody abdicate and leave all the work to me."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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