Written by rico77
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Sunday, 8 July 2007

image for Labour and the Conservatives to unite

Speculation is mounting of a dramatic realignment in British politics that will see the Labour Party and the Conservative party unite to form a permanent alliance, and ultimately a new party, the United Democratic Party of Great Britain or UDP.

It emerged yesterday through various sources that in the last twelve months there have been secret talks involving David Cameron, William Hague, Tony Blair, and Gordon Brown to seek common ground in the increasingly popular centre ground of British politics. Tony Blair and William Hague were implacably opposed to a merger of the parties, but Gordon Brown and David Cameron have "recognised the need to put petty differences aside and work together" sources say.

One unnamed Labour MP admitted "we won three general elections by stealing the Tories clothes, now they are trying to steal ours, so let's get in the closet together, and come out with our heads held high in full attire together."

The biggest losers in the current shake-up are likely to be the Liberal Democrats who have advocated a system of proportional representation for many years to avoid being squeezed out by the two main parties. Now they face political annihilation. In a rushed press briefing yesterday, Sir Menzies Campbell said he found the news "at first glance distressing, distasteful, disgusting, and frankly disastrous for Britain." He went on to say "however, on reflection this could be a blessing in disguise. We can finally confirm that we will now be the official opposition, the British people will at last have a viable alternative. I can look at myself in the mirror and truly see a Prime Minister in waiting without it being a mere fantasy."

Perhaps it should come as no surprise that after a decade of spin in which Labour not only won over big business, but had a Prime Minister who got on so well with a Republican American President, that there would be an inevitable coalition. After the recent defection of Conservative MP Quentin Davies to the Labour benches, and an increasing emphasis by the Conservatives on public services and the environment, hardly traditional right wing ground, there was an increasing fear by the two main parties that the next election would produce no clear winner. With a hung parliament, this would open the door for unwelcome Liberal Democrat influence.

As controversial as the potential move is however, there is still hope for the many critical voices that have risen up against it. The Queen could veto the merger as it could fundamentally alter the British constitution.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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