London - (Ass Mess): Former 10 Downing Street advisor Fiona Millar has said she nearly pissed herself laughing the other night as she watched the BBC's documentary about Cherie Blair.
"We used to be friend," Millar said today, "but she really got up my nose when I found out she was only Thatcher's daughter, fathered by Robert Maxwell.
"And when she started insisting on squeezing into a size 12 swimsuit when everybody knows her arse is still poking out of the size 20 that she really needs, that was it as far as I was concerned!
"Those holiday snaps became such a nightmare, I couldn't stand the job any more. So I left and gave her a full-length mirror so she could take a long hard look at her corpulent arse because clearly that's something she's never done.
"When she spoke of the "dark forces" propelling her into actions against her will the other night I thought 'Hello?' What planet are you on Cherie?
"The only dark forces influencing Cherie are the ones that atypical anti-psychotics could easily remedy.
"But try tellinge her that without a court order!"