Written by Steffan Lewis
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Topics: Big Brother

Saturday, 7 July 2007

image for Big Brother Charley eats parrot scandal
Big Brother Charley is a poor representative of our species, complain parrots around the world

Shocking and disturbing revelations are emerging about the internationally hated BB8 contestant, Charley Urethra. The 22 year old allegedly ate a Macaw Parrot in a fit of madness only days before she entered the Big Brother house.

Big Brother psychologists noticed a distinct change to her character after she'd devoured the rare bird.

"She was a placid and loving woman before the parrot eating incident. But somehow the bird's evil personality has transferred into Charley."

The bird's owner had mixed feelings: "That bird was a right bastard. It did anything for attention and had a wicked beak. But it didn't deserve to be eaten like that!"

Witnesses have told how the malicious bird persuaded and convinced the naive former stripper that she would blossom into a beautiful lady if she ate it. Instead she adopted the bulldog chewing a wasp look which has become her trade mark in recent times.

The parrot, formerly known as Kevin, was originally cast as BBBB (Big Brother's Big Bird) to replace Russel Brand on BBBM (Big Brother's Big Mouth). Bird lovers are furious and Channel 4 producers had to replace the bird with various random Z list celebrities. Devina, who claimed that the parrot is no relation to her, was shocked. "I am shocked," she said, "I had no idea that bird was so stupid!"

Charley's family are devastated. "Charley was such a gentle soul before and we have lost that beautiful soul to the parrot devil that now possesses her."

Experts claim she could eat a cute kitten to vanquish the evil parrot, but it has never been tried before.

She might have to settle with being ugly and cruel for over 200 years, the life expectancy of a Macaw.

The BB producers and Channel 4 executives are worried that the program may once again come into disrepute with accusations of racism, birdism and bitchism if people and birds feel misrepresented by this parrotwoman monster.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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