Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 4 July 2007

image for German Aristocrat Plunges To His Death One Month Too Early, Say Police
Another German aristocrat

A German aristocrat, found dead after falling from his fourth-floor balcony in an exclusive area of West London, died one month too early, say police from Scotland Yard.

Count Gottfried von Bismarck, 44, plunged 60 feet to his death, during a party at his luxury apartment in Draycott Place, Chelsea on Monday afternoon.

He was scheduled to take part in the annual charity event Falling From Bismarck's Balcony, held every August, and, according to party guests, may have become confused over the date after consuming a "lordly quantity of Schnapps".

At the same event last year, another eminent German, Wilhelm Schweinhund, tripped over a Persian rug and fell spectacularly to his death, and two others threw themselves after him to show their support.

Gretchen Bunker von Hamburgerstrasse, 89, and Hans Himmler, grandson of the famous German chicken farmer, perished instantly, but managed to raise over £25,000 for their charity, The Fourth Reich.

An alsation dog was also rather-too-enthusiastically turfed over the rails as things got out of hand.

Police say they are not looking for anybody else in connection with any of the deaths, and are hopeful that more will occur next year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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