Written by Jean Le Fete
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Saturday, 30 June 2007

image for Roger Federer Reveals Secret Match Preparations!
Roger Federer Psyching up in hotel room

APE Line - Roger Federer, who has once again not dropped a set so far at Wimbledon, admitted he has a somewhat unusual pre-match preparation. No he doesn't sleep with pyramids under his bed. He doesn't have magnetic underwear, though he admits trying it once. He doesn't even meditate or do Tai Chi.

Roger Federers big secret?! He is actually a thermo nuclear device, which means he rarely sleeps, he eats plutonium for breakfast and he has special bags for his...er radioactive waste.

"I had an accident as child," says Federer, "Sort of like Spiderman I guess, but it is classified information I can't share any details."

"That explains a lot," said Marat Safin, who lost to Federer in straight sets, "When you shake hands with him at the net, his hand almost burns your skin."

"He's a tormented soul," said John McEnroe, "He literally has hell's fires burning within him. But hey he's #1 in the world, not a bad way to deal with your problems is it?"

Federer continues to move forward with no sign of anyone being able to cool his reactor.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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