Written by Quentin Dynamite
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Thursday, 28 June 2007

image for Pink Floyd To Tour Working Men's Clubs
Keith Richards - Doesn't Have Any Connection With Pink Floyd But The Photo Will Have To Do

Rock legends Pink Floyd are set to go on the road in August, taking in three hundred working men's clubs over 150 days.

The grinding schedule, organised by impresario to the stars Raymondo Wallaby, kicks off at the Billingham Constitutional Workingmen's Bingo, Darts, Snooker, Pool, Fighting And Saying "You Can't Sit There, I've Had That Seat Ever Since I Started Coming Here" Club on the 27th, and finishes on Christmas Eve at Byker Deranged Affiliates.

Bass guitarist and composer Roger Waters said "Floyd are ready to get back to their roots. Where better to do just that than in the northern clubs? We intend to perform 'Dark Side Of The Moon' in its entirety - with a break for the bingo and the meat draw - followed by 'The Wall', complete with lasers, helicopters, the RAF and Luftwaffe. I do realise that some members might not warm to the thought of their club being taken over, especially by the once-thought-invincible German air force and their brutally clinical - yet still human - pilots, so we're giving away three pint tokens with every ticket. And the flyer's been doubled".

In keeping with the spirit of northern variety, Floyd will be taking along ventiloquist Dee-Dee Dixon (And Rusty), mime act 'Les Trois Incomprehensibles' and a 93-year-old lunatic with a harmonica.

All profits from the series of gigs will be divided equally between the Live Aid Trust and the Concert Secretaries' Benevolent Fund. There will be no smoking in the lounge and overalls must be disinfected at the door, by order of the Committee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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