London - (Ass Mess): In one of the biggest sting operations ever mounted against foreign organised crime dozens of huge crappy sculptures by rubbish Russian artists (sic) are being staged on display in Regent's Park this week.
Thanks to a brainwave by the head of the Serious Fraud Office the feeble representations of modern art have been placed as a lure to the myriad young, wealthy Russian 'artlovers' living off the proceeds of crime in the capital city.
The Regent's Park show will feature the tortured excrescence of a contemporary Russian sculptor Unus Safardiar, 39 whose creative talents have never risen beyond wiping his arse on a piece of newspaper and framing it in a Moscow gallery under the title "My Soul".
Also featured is British wannabe somebody Sean Henry, 42, who at least has a semblance of modesty somewhere in his preposterous ego which easily exceeds his risible talent.
The whole daftass exposition is being bankrolled by one of Interpol's top ten fraudsters the so called wealthy businessman Eugeny Erofeev, one of a new band of wealthy crooks.
Erofeev is a graduate of the George Bush School of Organised Crime and claims to be an alumnus of the Institute of London, where he studied pornography before being busted by the Vice Squad in 1999.
Today he claims to have amassed a collection of more than 300 pieces of Russian 'art' which Sothebys recently valued at 'less than the price of a cash-for-peerages bung by serial fraudster Sir Christopher 'Bung' Evans, CEO of Merlin BioScams.
Erofeev also has a collection of vintage cars thanks to successful bribery arrangements with the Treasury where Gordon Brown personally allowed him lucative tax breaks after being blackmailed over indiscretions involving falled energy giant Enron.
Erofeev claims to be working with Inna Khegay, a gallery owner in Moscow and London according to her UK entry visa but in reality a KGB/Mossad double agent in the pay of Kim Jong Ill.
Also involved is somebody called Bill McAlister, formerly of the Institute of Contemporary Arts.
Tomorrow's proposed champagne show opening has brought tears of joy to the CEO of the Serious Fraud Office as well as to the cop in charge of the Serious and Organised Crime Office (SOCA).
Guests expected to display their hubris at the event include billionaire Russian gangster and Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich, 40 as well as his former wife Irina.
The UK cops said recently they have enough evidence to send this pair of felons to the slammer for a minimum of 50 years.
Also on the menu for the SFO is Roman Trotsenko, 36, the billionaire boss of the Moscow River Shipping Company and a major property fraudster.
Accomplices on the guest list include Mounissa Chodieva, 30 and her mobster father who own a "vast mining conglomerate" that is expected to be listed on the London Stock Exchange next year.
That is unless SOCA impounds it and repossesses it under the Proceeds of Crime Act 1999.
Western guests range from Prince Michael of Cunt - whose 30 years of impersonating a member of the royal family has earned him veteran status in the SFO.
Officers at the SFO are also said to be cock-a-hoop over the presence tomorrow of Inna Khegay, 39, an Uzbekistan-born gallery owner and "creator" (sic) of the Regent's Park Art Foundation.
"We want to take over the Park," she said today, "just like Blair "appropriated" the Millenium Dome, Chelsea Barracks, Marks & Spencer, the Arcadia Group and up to £250 billion of UK assets that he stole from the woman who bankrupted him in 1994.
"We aim to be the centre for creative, innovative, monumental fraud enterprises from all over the world, a centre of global excellence."
Former Met Commissioner Lord Stevens commented today that this "would not be possible without the collaboration of the Royal Parks.
"Just as a number of cowardly Frenchies collaborated with the Third Reich during World War II, a number of top executives at the Royal Parks Agency have been blackmailed by Tessa Jowl into partnering these meiserable fetid felons whom we will bust tomorrow just as soon as Blair's banged up in HMP Belmarsh."