Written by Dan Holmes
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Topics: Cinema

Thursday, 12 February 2004

Flights for pennies, car hire for the change in your pocket, cinema tickets for your kid's sweet money…..Styleless has gone for the kill in every industry he's tried. Now he's about to do the same for the dying game - with QueasyDeath.

"Look guys" he told TheSpoof in an exclusive interview, "we've given the world cheap transport, cheap entertainment, cheap pizzas, cheap everything. You know how we work. Seek out new markets, price to please the punters, make no profits. Now we've spotted this great new opportunity - cheap corpses. It's got to be good for us."

So - how does it work? "Like all our stuff, you gotta book on the web. No phones, no printed crap, just our usual incomprehensible and dead slow website. Fill in the form, send your credit card details, and in less than two weeks you'll be a rotting mass of maggots and foetid sludge. You don't have to worry about anything - our trained terminal technicians take care of it all. And as a bonus, if you order at the same time as your death we'll give you 20% off your coffin, a free bouquet of lilies for the grieving relatives, and pizza vouchers for the afterburn knees-up. How good a deal is that?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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