Vatican - (Ass mess): "Holy Father we are completely and utterly f***ed," UK Prime Monster Tony Blair told the Pope today at his meeting at the Vatican.
The stark message was delivered as Blair, gargoyle wife Cherry Bush QC and UK Primape Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Conartist met in secret conclave this morning after two years' negotiations failed to secure the promised Papal State Visit to the UK.
Since 9/11 Blair had gambled that five cosa nostra Italians whom he framed for the murder of God's Banker Roberto Calvi would all go down for life imprisonment earlier this month in the Rome criminal hearing.
But a twelve man jury laughed the evidence out of court and the hirelings went free to the dismay of the Vatican.
And a combined CIA/MI6/Mossad directive late last week said that Ratzinger's safety and security could not be guaranteed until some credible felons were successfully framed for the 1982 murder.
The UK press meanwhile was told to hype today's visit as Blair's negotiations to convert to Catholicism. But this is something he did forty years ago and forgot to mention when elected as an MP in 1983.
The news that the cash-for-peerages probe have now added this item to the list of torts and misdemeanours they can charge Blair with when he leaves No 10 for the last time on 27 June has sent a shiver down the feckless coward's spine.
Under the Treason and Felony Act of 1837 it is a capital offence for any Catholic PM to appoint Church of England bishops. Blair's tally now is 23 bishops.
This morning's grim rendezvous in the Papal business suite has left Blair visibly shaken and ashen faced.
Vatican insiders have hinted that he may not last longer than Blair after NATO military intelligence promised to publish it's 1978 findings into the poisoning of Pope John Paul 1, who was despatched by Ratzinger on KGB orders with a phial of strychnine and a snort of arsenic.
Expect further details on this fast breaking story later in the week.