Soon-to-be ex-Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has signed away the rights to his wife Cherie at the recent EU summit in Brussels.
Speaking after the marathon 34-day talks, Mr Blair emerged into the sunshine claiming to have secured massive concessions for both himself and the United Kingdom.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy has earlier demanded joint custody of Euan, Nicky, Kathryn and Leo, but Mr Blair stood firm against the barrage of hostile fire, rejecting French and Spanish calls for him to share his kids for the common good.
"Well, uh, Nicolas, you know, wanted joint custody, but my kids just happened to be my four red lines. In the end we worked out a deal which is best for Britain, and best for me," Blair explained with a fixed grin. "Custody of Cherie was of course not mentioned in the EU Constitution, so she won't be having a referendum about it. I'm sure she'll be very happy with the arrangements."
Critics have reacted with predictable outrage, stating that family values should be central to a Prime Minister's life. On hearing the allegations, Mr Blair quipped that he was 'buggering off in a few days, so what do I care?'
Full details of the agreement will be unveiled in November.