Most recently, a UFO that was described as being a "mile wide" was spotted over the skies of the Channel Islands by local residents, however this was not the first such sighting. Hardly a month ago "mysterious lights" were seen over the skies of Dorset, UK by hundreds of people. Among these, active Bournemouth citizen and spunky prelate of the Olde Catholic sect, Bishop Bonkers, has been uniquely troubled by these alien visitations.
"Without a doubt the UFOs are interested in me and me alone" says the Bishop. "Why, the last time this happened, I barely managed to run out into my garden and secret myself within an outbuilding when the strange lights were upon me."
Bishop Bonkers is recalled by some as author of poorly-received "LowGate Vampire" series of self-published books detailing his adventures hunting blood-sucking vampires, giant spiders, and brain-robbing zombies.
"I tell you these strange objects people are seeing in the skies are the work of wicked Satanic cults" he asserts, "There is an extremely powerful witch who resides in Mushill Well. He has pursued a grudge against me, and I am convinced he employs his demonic powers in an effort to undo me. The UFOs are just the latest in a long history of this horrible man's treachery against me. He's a wicked, wicked man."