Following complaints from a large number of customers, supermarket giants Sainsbury's have decided to take the unprecedented step of banning pensioners from all of their superstores on Saturdays.
While this decision is obviously not expected to go down well with the pensioners themselves, regular customers at Sainsbury's flagship store in Greenwich were delighted with the decision.
"They're a bloody nuisance," said one customer. "The daft old biddies wander round the store for hours with a trolley containing nothing but a tin of cat food, bumping into anyone who crosses their path."
Another customer said she believed them to be a health hazard. "I saw one little old lady the other day who'd fallen head first into the freezer. She was after a packet of cut-price salmon that was right at the back. Her legs were sticking up in the air and she'd started to freeze solid - god knows why someone didn't call the manager and get her out. She could still be there now for all I know."
Sainsbury's defended their decision with the assurance that pensioners will still be permitted in their smaller stores. A spokesman said that he'd heard about the frozen woman but insisted that she'd been rescued and thawed out nicely. "In a smaller store," he said, "there's a better chance of help being at hand in situations like these."