London - (Ass Mess): Daft old nonentity Heather Mills has moaned to the press that she feels "trapped like an animal" by Paul McCartney's lawyers after trying to get a £50 million divorce settlement while still actually married to Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe.
Mills told reporters that ever since the initial separation hearings in the divorce court in London she had had panic attacks and "feelings of doom".
But she has steadfastly denied lying under oath when questioned whether her marriage to Sutcliffe had ever been dissolved or annuled.
"I just get a bit confused under pressure from barristers," Mills admitted.
"It's not true that I fabricated the entire story of my life before marriage to Paul.
"Some of it is definitely true and some might be a bit hazy because of poor memories.
"What the hell is the definition of bigamy anyway?"