Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 20 June 2007

image for Big Brother: French Trip Planned
A French peasant

Channel 4 bosses have unveiled a novel plan to send the Big Brother housemates on a holiday to France as part of the show, which is currently boring viewers to death.

A new House has been built in Calais which can accommodate up to 200 housemates, so that the contestants can experience life from a French person's perspective, with all the luxuries of a typical French homestead.

These include an outside toilet, an ancient bathing system involving a barrel of cold water, mould-covered walls and a permanent smell of garlic which seems to ooze out of every gland. Housemates will even be able to "sleep under the stars" as part of the roof is missing.

Channel 4 executive Steve Trash, speaking on Big Brother's Big Gob last night, told viewers:

"The housemates will see, firsthand, how a French peasant lives. The screaming poverty, the squalor, and the general risk to health and a person's well-being that living there presents, will be explained fully."

Rumours are also rife that former Big Brother slug Jade Goody will be sent into the House, possibly clad in an ill-fitting beret and sporting a moustache, to deliver her take on the French race, with her usual mix of bullying and racist antics.

The programme will also be broadcast for the first time in France, where many people routinely eat slugs.

Davina McCall, a big friend of Goody and herself a slug, said:

"Let zem 'ave 'eet!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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