Royal Academy, London - (Ass Mess): Curators at London's most prestigeous gallery the Royal Academy have admitted they have known for over three decades that stellar artist Damien Hirst is a plagiarising little fraudster who has consistently ripped off the very best work from other accomplished painters and then rubbished their careers into oblivion.
Hirst has been described as an impostor par excellence out of the same mould as JK Rowling, Tim Berners-Lee, Sir Terrence Con Artist, Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Madonna and a host of Thatcherite Blairists whose work has been systematically pillaged from introverted geniuses shying away from publicity.
Hirst's latest Royal Academy offerings include a giant mural sized picture of an arboreal scene which he stole lock stock and barrel in 1997 and appropriated in his name along with the much touted diamond skull.
The Royal Academy has decided nevertheless to continue exhibiting his work as if it were indeed his own as its lawyers negotiate frantically with the galler's insurance agents.
Any lawusits that prove the Academy has been a flagship of stolen or plagiarised work for more than 30 years could see the institution closed down and its magnificent building converted into a Tesco Express.