Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, has announced that Buckingham Palace is to be turned into luxury holiday apartments.
A recent opinion poll carried out by Mori indicates that the public is generally dissatisfied with the Queen and her legion of lackeys; 82% of those polled believe that the occupation of such a huge building in a prime location in the centre of the nation's capital by a single family is unacceptable.
Draft plans suggest that the building will be converted into 60 luxury holiday apartments, complete with an Olympic-sized swimming pool (which may actually be used to host the 2012 Olympics' swimming events if progress on the new stadium is anything to go by). Ken Livingstone believes that gullible foreigners will pay vast amounts of money to sleep in what was once the Queen's residence.
The Royal family are not being consulted on the plans: the GLC is expected to issue a compulsory purchase order. The family will not suffer any hardship as it still has its own private game reserve in Balmoral, complete with luxurious accommodation.
The Queen, long used to being paid vast sums of money for doing not very much at all, is said to be mortified that the public at last seems to be coming to its senses where the Royal family is concerned, and seeing them for the scroungers that they are. However she is also rumoured to be secretly pleased that "Someone else can have the problem of cleaning the pigeon shit off the roof."