Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: Tony Blair, Police

Sunday, 8 February 2004

image for New F.B.I. Style British Police Force to Be Run From Bombay Call - Centre
Blair's Undercover F.B.I. Agents Blend Unnoticed Into Crowd

Tony Blair has ordered a radical shake-up of the way that Great Britain is policed, following complaints from police officers.

It appears that some British police officers were being forced to leave the warmth and safety of their police stations and go out on the dangerous streets in order to catch criminals.

Recent advances in technology have led to the installation of fixed speeding cameras and video surveillance centres. This has allowed police officers to keep a watchful eye on criminals without the need for them to leave their comfortable offices.

Politicians have long expressed their concern at the risk that our fearless police force takes in order to tackle the ever rising level of crime and have asked police bosses to find solutions.

Top Chief Superintendents are thought to prefer a system whereby all of the functions now carried out in Police Stations will be carried out by highly trained call-centre operators in Bombay.

Mr Blair was enthusiastic about using Indian call centres, as he explained to top Spoof reporters;

‘The British ‘Bobby' is now totally different from the ‘Bow Street Runners' of yesteryear,' Tony stated.'

‘Today's ‘coppers' bear no relation to the intelligent, tall and athletic officers that once patrolled Britain's streets.'

‘Our modern police officer is a person who is totally politically correct.'

‘Previous barriers to recruitment into the police such as a criminal record, confused sexuality, height, intelligence, and ethnic backgrounds are no longer relevant.'

‘Hiving off all my officers' responsibilities to a team of professionals in Bombay will free Britain's police force up so that they can concentrate on what they do the best.' he added.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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