Accused top judge Stephen "Dicky" Richards has demonstrated his innocence.
Charged with indecent exposure by alleged victim Vera Slapper, who cannot be named for legal reasons, she was called to identify a blackberry flavour condom which she claimed the judge had worn at the time of the incident. To a stunned courtroom the judge's dream defence team then produced a worn copy of a novel by the Marquis de Sade which his Lordship thumbed through to attain an erection and he was then asked to put the condom on.
But, try as he might, the French letter failed to fit over his extraordinarily large endowment.
The prosecution immediately withdrew their charges and the case collapsed, as did his Lordship's penis.
Speaking outside the court the judge's wife said she always believed in her husband's innocence. "He tried it on with me once on our honeymoon" she said, "but I soon put a stop to that".
Vera Slapper is currently appearing as a pole dancer at the Rendezvous Club in Streatham.
Sir Stephen Richards is offering sneak previews on the 7 o' clock from Euston.