HACKNEY, LONDON - 08/06/07. Lord Coe today continued to anger sports fans by calling for anyone under the age of 11 to be banned from watching any olympic event.
"The Olympics are all about celebrating youth and the future of youth," Lord Coe said while scoffing down some caviar. "Quite frankly, inviting anyone with 'pubic hair' would be a huge step backwards for the event."
Coe, already criticised for accepting an olympic logo that would be fine were it to represent the Gay Nazi Group, is adamant that young people must come first.
"The only important people in this world are young people. Old people make me sick. I mean, what have they brought to this fine nation other than their tax money? Nothing. I'd rather they stayed at home and watched 'Last of the Summer Wine' instead."
When pointed out to Lord Coe that most of the athletes competing might have pubic hair, he dismissed the notion.
"Prove it," were his simple words. "If any of them possess pubic hair then it's proof that they've been taking steroids. Those kind of people aren't welcome."
He was equally dismissive of sports fans who might shave "their hairy hot water bottles" in order to get through stringent security checks.
"We've paid IBM millions of pounds to implement PSD's - Pubic Stubble Detectors. They won't get through."
Opponents to Lord Coe's plans, such as Springwatch Host, Bill Oddie, were quickly condemned by Lord Coe's 8-year old spokeswoman as being "silly old farty-pants talking out of their hairy bottoms."