London - (Ass mess): Pretender to the Throne Prince Charles was secretly paid over £1 billion by UK defence contractor BAE as part of Britain's largest-ever arms deal the the Saudis according to Ministry of Deference sources in Whitehall today.
The money was handed over in a series of large packing cases, carrier bags and enormous brown envelopes. And a number of direct electronic banking transactions were handled via the Riggs Bank in Washington.
The police's fraud investigation into this whopping backhander was officially halted earlier in the year after UK Prime Monster Tony Blair said 'it was not in the national interest' to investigate and prosecute the Pretender to the Puppet Throne because 'they would both end up in the slammer if the cops got hold of the evidence'.
Tony Blair's decision to cancel the fraud probe into the £43billion arms deal was panned by the UN Secutiry Council, NATO Military Intelligence Directorate, the CIA, MI5 and MI6, Mossad, Interpol and virtually every ecurity/intelligence service around the world except the Russian Federation.
Claims of the multi-million pound slush fund for Charles have circulated for years but have never risen beyond the conspiracy theory.
Until, that is, Blair agreed to gag the police probe just as arrest warrants were about to be issued.
Blair then made a statement saying that it was "was essential to preserve Britain's fragile national security" as far as the Puppet Monarchy was concerned.
The whitewash was widely welcomed in Whitehall where mandarins said there was no legitimate cause to investigate the alleged slush fund 'because it might embroil the Puppet Monarch Elizabeth in the cash-for-peerages scam'.
Further details are expected in the weeks ahead.