Written by Hugh Plonnka
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Topics: Pregnancy

Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for Fertility rate at 26-year high
Above: 0.96 children

London, Thursday - The fertility rate in the UK is at its highest rate for 26 years, with more and more women having babies in their late 30s and early 40s.

Figures published today by The Office for National Statistics (or TOFNS [pronounced toff-uns] for short) show that women are now bearing, on average, 1.87 children, up from 1.8 in 2005.

According to the statistics, over 1.3 million current women (i.e. those that are not dead) have born 1.87 children.

A full rundown of the figures is shown below:

    Lowest number of children to any one current woman: 0.03
    Mean number of children to all current women: 1.87
    Median number of children to all current women: 1.56
    Highest number of children to any one current woman: 18.63

Interestingly, the average number of children per current UK man is 2.04, with foreign immigrants offering extremely good quality low cost sex without the need for protection accounting for the difference in figures.

Kelly Lykescock is one of the women to have born exactly 1.87 children in her life. "I was hoping it would be 1.86 or 1.85 as I don't like to be average, but I'd heard from a friend at Toffuns that it was over 1.84 and less than 1.89. But I guess it means I'm not abnormal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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