Written by Cal Jennings
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Sunday, 3 June 2007

image for New Clear Footage of the Loch Ness Monster Taken
New picture of the Loch Ness Monster

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - U.K. - New clear footage was taken of the Loch Ness Monster. Lab technician Gordon Holmes, 55, from Shipley, Yorkshire claims to have taken the photos while preparing to film his nude girlfriend standing before the famous Loch Ness.

"Just as I started filming her doing her moves, I noticed something out of the corner of me eye," said Holmes. "I couldn't beleive me eyes! It was Nessie! I immediately pushed my nude girlfriend in the water to use as bait, and as luck would have it, Nessie swam straight for her. I got it all on film!"

Blogger News Network writes,

Over 4,000 sightings have been recorded since the 1930's when a vacationing surgeon took a picture of a creature in the water. However, the story dates back even further to the 6th century. The Irish St Columba is said to have ordered one of his monks to swim across the loch and fetch a boat. While en route, the monster appeared and rushed toward the monk. Columba cried for the monster to leave the man alone, and the creature obeyed. In 1933, the surgeon who claims to have taken the first picture of Nessie shows a long neck arched over a thick body, giving the monster worldwide fame.

When George W. Bush heard the news, he immediately called his gay lover, Tony Blair, and asked if it was true.

"Toni, honey, did they really find thuh Lock Ness Monster? I'm skared of monsters," said Bush to Blair.

Blair responded, "Don't worry dahling. It's just your grandfather Satan. You know. The dragon from the Bible story."

"Whew Toni, that's a releef. Ah thought we wuz gonna haf ta move the wedding to another continn... cantan... contain... big piece uh land with water around it," responded Bush.

"Never you mind Georgiepoo. I have a LOVEly place picked out for our wedding next weekend. I promise, we'll be the only monsters there, besides Cheney and the other Corrupt Bastards Club members, of course," said Blair.

Bush responded, "Well, at least it'll take some of the attention off that Ron Paul fella for awhile. He's been stickin' in my craw reel gud. I'm considerun writin' a bill makin' it illegul for a former Liberaltarian to run in the new NRNC. Don't tell no one that the N stands fer Nazi."

"Don't you worry your sweet little head, my handsome hunk. Now, will you talk like John Wayne again and humiliate me one more time? I just LOVE it when you do that," exclaimed Blair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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