Boy Wizard, Harry Potter, is today waking up in Azkaban having fallen foul of the Hogshead police after a drunken binge to celebrate his quoits victory.
It seems that after the famous win against Manchester United, Potter went on the piss big style downing 12 pints of butter beer before standing at the town's central park, trousers round his ankles and shouting "How's this for a magic wand?"
Pal Jon Beazley takes up the story:
"He was a man on a mission all right. He just kept belting it down his neck. I gave up after 3 but he just wanted to go on and on. It was awesome"
Potter then liberated a collection box for fallen goblins from the counter of the pub in a crazed attempt to try and get more money after he'd drank all his own.
Gandalf Armstrong, owner of the pub told us:
"He may be the chosen one but if he tries a stunt like that again in here he's in deep shit, I can tell you"
The Spoof understands that Potter was taken to the cells to "cool off" and that he will be brought before Elrond later on today to explain his behaviour.