Lambeth Palace - (Ass Mess): Ecclesiastical sources are said to be livid today following the leaking of reports that Prince William's ex-girlfriend may have had an abortion rather than suffer a lifetime of mothering a new Anti-Christ.
The disclosure comes amid reports that the Archbishop of Canterbury is demanding to interrogate Middleton to find out if she really 'flushed a potential heir's heir to the Pretender to the Throne' down the pan in August 2006 after finding out William is really George W Bush's little bastard.
"The Constitutional position is very clear.
"Nobody except Princess Margaret, Princess Anne, Princess Diana and one or two others including the Old Queen Mum, has ever had a royal abortion.
"The implications for the Anglican Church could be absolutely perilous.
"As the law stands today, the Monarch is head of the Church of England.
"Despite only being the Pretender to the Throne's eldest son's lookalike doppelganger, William could well be the main Pretender to the Throne himself one day as well as aspiring Head of the Church of England.
"If this young gal got pregnant by him and decide to flush the brat down the pan soon after conception this will set a very poor example for others.
"God knows what I'm supposed to do not, especially if the press gets hold of the whole sordid mess."