All performances of the London stage version of the Lord of the Rings will now include the ritual slaughter of a Hobbit in a bid to boost flagging ticket sales.
The ticket-boosting ploy was set up after a Hobbit was accidentally caught in the large hydraulic revolving stage and injured in the machinery.
A member of the audience stated, "I was bored to death, then suddenly there was terrified screaming and stagehands started to rush on, the next minute Gandalf was asking "Is there a doctor in the house?" and paramedics were vaulting over the raised platform. It was the best performance I had seen in years."
Following the incident, ticket sales doubled overnight as Londoners jammed the phonelines hoping for a repeat performance.
The shows producers have now decided to include the a "Hobbit Slaughter" scene in every show, where a Hobbit will die horribly in a different and increasingly unpredictable way every night.
In an unconfirmed rumour it is suggested that Frodo will then step forward and say "Oh my god, they killed Merry!"