Written by carina-eta
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Thursday, 31 May 2007

image for Hobbit Slaughtered Live on Stage to Boost Ticket Sales
It's behind me? It's behind me??

All performances of the London stage version of the Lord of the Rings will now include the ritual slaughter of a Hobbit in a bid to boost flagging ticket sales.

The ticket-boosting ploy was set up after a Hobbit was accidentally caught in the large hydraulic revolving stage and injured in the machinery.

A member of the audience stated, "I was bored to death, then suddenly there was terrified screaming and stagehands started to rush on, the next minute Gandalf was asking "Is there a doctor in the house?" and paramedics were vaulting over the raised platform. It was the best performance I had seen in years."

Following the incident, ticket sales doubled overnight as Londoners jammed the phonelines hoping for a repeat performance.

The shows producers have now decided to include the a "Hobbit Slaughter" scene in every show, where a Hobbit will die horribly in a different and increasingly unpredictable way every night.

In an unconfirmed rumour it is suggested that Frodo will then step forward and say "Oh my god, they killed Merry!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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